Writing Tips—A Writer’s Dozen

Writing Tips & Writer’s Dozen Archived Topics

1/2 Dozen Ways to Show Not Tell & a Dozen Examples Why

Or The Total Parts Being Greater, Equal the Sum

By Virginia—First Posted June 2008

There’s always a better way to show it...

 

Þ Don’t tell the emotion, describe how it feels

1   “He breathed a sigh of relief”, or

“Relief filled his lungs and left in a rush of air that soothed his nerves.”

2   “Calm descended, and he smiled”, or

“Relaxing back into his chair a dead weight came off his heart causing the corners of his mouth to finally turn up.”

 

Þ Don’t narrate the action, show the result

3   “Angrily, he swung”, or

“Clenching his fist he took a swing at his target.”

4   “Furious, he stood watching as she kissed someone else”, or

“Disbelief pumped fire through his veins as he watched his girl kiss another man.”

 

Þ Don’t list the encounter, thrive on the effect

5   “Frightened he jumped back”, or

“Heart pumping, he jumped back and ducked.”

6   “Crashing through the door, he stopped”, or

“The door painfully jarred his shoulder as he forced it open, jolting his body to a standstill.”

 

Þ Don’t bore the reader, make them squirm

7   “This bored her to tears”, or

“Shifting in her seat she blinked back a yawn.”

8   “Looking past the Prof, he smacked his head”, or

“Staring though the Prof, dawning straightened his spine just before his hand painfully connected with his head.”

 

Þ Don’t go to sleep on words, widen readers’ eyes

9   “She was tired, so she lay down”, or

“Covering a yawn, she fell back and bounced on the bed.”

10 “Drugged, she fell asleep”, or

“Vision blurring, her thoughts fought the black wall that closed off light as she tried to sit up.”

 

Þ Don’t tell what is going on in the body, have the reader experience it

11  “Swearing, he watched the ball drop into the water”, or

“Hand shielding the sun form his eyes he squinted to see, as his stomach dropped with the $50,000 ball that plunked into the pond.”

12  “Filled with courage he ran after wrongdoers”, or

 “His gut tightened with conviction as he chased down the path after injustice.”